Roger McGough

Roger McGough’s The Collected Poems

Pre order Here

McGough is a true original and more than one generation would be much the poorer without him

The Times

Contact

Readings & performances and children’s publishing

Philippa Perry

07774 264 826

pnlp@dircon.co.uk

1 Westfield House, 80 Westgate, Chichester, West Sussex, PO19 3HP

Literary agent/permission requests

Charles Walker, United Agents

020 3214 0874

cwalker@unitedagents.co.uk

Photo Credit: Giacomo Gianenelli

A new series of Poetry Please out now on BBC Radio 4. Listen to all the episodes here.

Alternative Santa: A Christmas Poem

‘I’m fed up looking like Father Christmas,’
Muttered Father Christmas one year
‘I need a new outfit, I must move with the times
So for a start, it’s goodbye reindeer’

He googled Alternative Santas
And was amazed at the stuff that appeared
He got rid of the holly-red costume
Had a haircut, and shaved off his beard

Spent his days in front of a computer
In a cave hollowed out of the ice
Wearing a tee shirt emblazoned Merry Xmas
And jeans (Amazon, Armani, half price)

Couldn’t wait to straddle his snow-ped
(The bargain he’d bought on eBay)
A rocket-powered silver toboggan [sledge, sled or sleigh]
His supersonic sleigh

Then one morning he thought, ‘Oh why bother
Delivering presents by hand
When it could all be done online
Busy parents will understand

We are lucky to live in a digital age
Where the aim is access and speed
SantaNet I’ll call the system
‘Santafaction guaranteed’

And that was years and years ago
Times that children barely know
Midnight mass and mistletoe
Christmas carols and candle glow

Sleigh bells ringing across the snow
And Santa singing Yo ho ho
For that was years and years ago
And that was years and years ago.

'His poetry is like a supermodel who can complete a Sudoku puzzle moments before swishing down the catwalk --- easy on the eye and smart as a whip.' Lorne Jackson, Birmingham Daily Post

PAY-BACK TIME

O Lord, let me be a burden on my children
For long they've been a burden upon me. May they fetch and carry, clean and scrub
And do so cheerfully.

Let them take it in turns at putting me up
Nice sunny rooms at the top of the stairs
With a walk-in bath and lift installed
At great expense.....Theirs.

Insurance against the body-blows of time
Isn't that what having children's all about?
To bring them up knowing that they owe you
And can't contract out?

What is money for but to spend on their schooling?
Designer clothes, mindless hobbies, usual stuff.
Then as soon as they're earning, off they go
Well, enough's enough.

It's been a blessing watching them develop
The parental pride we felt as each one grew.
But Lord, let me be a burden on my children
And on my children's children too.

Having been carefully managed for decades by uktouring.org, my dear friend Adrian Mealing has retired and from now on I will be in the capable hands of Phillipa Perry who will deal with future inquiries regarding poetry readings, public performances, as well as representing me for my children’s publishing.

My adult publishing will continue to be represented by Charles Walker at United Agents.